3 DAYS AWAY, SISTA

BETTER ABS THROUGH NEO-NAZISM

Thanks, Facebook. Always a pleasure.

I'M NOT BITING THE BAIT UNLESS YOU BUY ME A DRINK FIRST, PROGRESSIVE

World of Wonder Productions has one of the best blogs on the internet. It smashes pop culture, art, gay politics, and television in one medium. Granted, some of their pop culture musings are a little bit five minutes behind but, what they contribute to the television world, forgives them all interweb faux pas.

One thing I've noticed over the past week of perusing the blog (praying they'll post an entry for an office man servant), is a really peculiar Progressive Insurance ad of two old timey men posed for a portrait together. At first I was like "AWWW CUTE OUR FAGGY FOREFATHERS." But when you follow the ad, you don't really get anything, really: you get a small blurb about how Progressive is progressive and L-O-V-E-S gays. Powerful.

I was all like "BRB SWITCHING FROM USAA TO PROGRESSIVE TO GET MY GAY ON." But, when I requested the quote, I received a grossly exaggerated insurance quote and was greatly appalled. I'm sorry, support gays all you want, but this poor gay gotta save his pennies for better things.

That being said, Progressive, I have to tell you one thing: if you wanna be my insurer, you gotta please my dividends--make your prices lower and the gays will be your friends.

_____ IS THE END: WWW.BESTWEEKEVER.TV

It's official: BestWeekEver.TV is over.

For a long time, Kristen and I were BWE.TV frequenters who salivated, waiting for every new post. We anxiously awaited the new Celebrity Math, Conversations with Winehouse, and Project Runway Recaps and were always pleased with the results. Yet, the past few months on the blog have been marked by a distinct downturn into Not Funny Land.

We have many hypotheses as to what has caused the almost absurd turn but the main one is that Sara Schaefer, which has resulted in Death taking Dan Hopper and Michelle Collins by the hand and ushering them to a guillotine for beheading/killing their blog. 

With the introduction of the ghastly Blingee Wednesdays, BWE.TV entered an era of "We're trying to capitalize on things that happened 5 minutes ago." Along with Blingees, the site has forfeited its self-deprecating funny and has been replaced with "LOOK WHAT WE FOUND ON THE INTERWEB LOL (No, we didn't find this on DListed)" and Michelle Collins' shameless self-promotions.

Kristen and I have gone from checking BWE.TV every hour to maybe once a week (and when we do check it, it results in rants about how bad it's become). The final straw for us was the disappointing 90s Movie Madness competition. I have to admit, tis was a great idea, but when you put fucking Clueless in your final four and allow it to lose Clerks and go on to allow Clerks to win the title, something is wrong with your site.

I am saying it now loud and clear: BWE.TV is dead. It has become the Dane Cook of pop culture blogs. Pray for it to shrivel and fade away or for Sara's return. Actually, don't pray for Sara's return: pray for her to take over Jimmy Fallon's job.

FUN WITH GOOGLE PREVIEW

(Special shout out to my friend J-B G for the tip)

TGIGF

I'M STILL SICK OF YOUR PASSIVE AGGRESSION, FACEBOOK

You know, Facebook, I don't need your bullshite to try to help me get through the work week. Thank you very much.

FUN WITH GOOGLE PREVIEW

WHY 22 IS THE END: IF ONLY COMPLEMENTS WERE CURRENCY

As we've been droning away at work, Kristen and I have been noticing that complements have been pouring in from different directions this week. Here's a sample of a few:

- "Thanks so much! You're a STAR!"

- "Don't you look spiffy--have a date tonight?"

- "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU"

- "I like that you always keep me guessing. Keep it up."

- "You explain this best."

- "Keep up the good work."

- "Thanks for coming in late last night and fixing something I forgot to do because I am incompetent and use you as a means by which to cover my ass so I can look great and you can look bad."

Now, as you can see, many of these are directed at work ethic. Others are aimed at appearance. Yet, none of them refer to anything beyond "I see what you did there--and it was good. I'm going to tell you and no one else of your excellence." This is totally fine...if we didn't crave raises more than the expired "as is" food we eat from our respective low-level super markets (because we can't afford anything else).

We're not saying to ban complements--we're just saying that if we had a bruise for every time we got a pat on the back, we'd practically be paraplegics. And, that is reallllllly annoying (as we've been working our jobs for well over half a year and we are still regarded as farts in the wind).

I don't know about Kristen, but I'm opening up a savings account at the American Bank of Complements, so I can save up, accumulate interest, and--eventually--be able to afford a hug (which is worth at least fifty complement dollars).

TODAY IN IM: SPANISH LESSON

K: I WAS ALWAYS ON TEAM ENRIQUE NOT TEAM RICKY (ALTHOUGH I ALWAYS THOUGHT RICKY WAS BETTER LOOKING)
K: I WAS TEAM RICKY
K: WEPA UN DOS TRES UN KDFJSFJIDJ BAILANTE MARIA
K: OMG MY MOM PLAYED THAT SONG ON BLAST ALL. THE. TIME.
K: PUERTO RICO'S FINEST
K: WHAT DOES HE EVEN SAY
K: IT SOUNDS LIKE HE SWITCHES OVER TO CROATIAN OR SOMETHING I SWEAR
K: I NEVER KNEW
K: I COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND SPANISH WHEN SUNG
K: I WOULD ALWAYS BE LIKE "HOW THE HALE YOU UNDERSTAND THIS MOM?"
K: BECAUSE ALL I EVER HEARD WAS LIKE "BAILA UNO DOS TRES ILEJRTIHARDGUBANUHAOIHEORIALKNVILHEAOIERJAPOIE RPOAU ESPORU YAYAYAYAYAYA"
K: THAT WAS IT
K: WEPA WEPA WEPA
K: KJHKJFGDFJGIY j JSKDHF uifh IUDSF HG MARIA
K: I THINK THOSE ARE THE LYRICS
K: DONT QUOTE ME ON THAT
K: THATS PRETTY CLOSE
K: (YOUR ACCENTS ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE)
K: SORRY IM ON A PC

WHAT A WEEK

                               

__________ IS THE END: TAGGING YOUR FRIENDS

Following in the frightening footsteps of "25 Random Facts You Don't Know About Me," Facebook denizens have created a new layer of hell: "Tag Your Friends."

This extremely annoying exercise in GIVE ME ATTENTION has manifested itself in the form of tagging your the your friends as Disney Princesses, Gossip Girls, (not real) South Park characters, Pokemon (gotta catch 'em all), and--most notoriously--Mr. Men/Little Miss characters.

Now, I'm all for the Facebook and fooling around by tagging people as things they are not, but when all of your photos tagged are random incarnations of shoes that a "clever" friend felt the need to alert you of, it's time to stop.

This is a call to action for Facebookers: untag yourself and rid yourself of the eyesores of Facebook created by people who have no time on their hands and who still cling to the past expressions of social networking. 

Come one people: this is 2009--not 2001.