Saturday, February 28, 2009
K: EW I ACTUALLY REMEMBER THAT SMELL EW
K: POOL CHEMICALS AND SAWDUST
K THE KIND OF SMELL THAT MAKES YOUR TEETH HURT
K: THAT LAST DESCRIPTION DESERVES A LITERARY MEDAL
K: WHAT CAN I SAY IM A WRITER ON THE INSIDE AND AN ACCOUNTANT ON THE OUTSIDE
K: ONE DAY: WE WILL SHINE IN GOD'S LOVE
Friday, February 27, 2009
Facebook friend is thinking just when i wanted to give up God came and saved the day!
Facebook friend is a winner in God's eyes!
That got me to thinking: What if God was one of us? Just a facebook addict like one of us? God would probably have sooo many friends. He would probably be tagged as "the one you can depend on."
Much to my dismay, God doesn't have a profile, but he does have a PAGE! I thought God must have so many fans, but he only had 2,934! Well if God isn't that popular, than Satan must have like 5 goth kids who only have 5 friends each on facebook right? WRONG! Satan has 3,628. To put this all in perspective, Boo from Monsters, Inc. has 2,160,642 fans. YES. A CARTOON GIRL FROM A MEDIOCRE PIXAR FILM HAS TWO MILLION ONE HUNDRED SIXTY THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED FORTY TWO FANS. Boo has about 736 times the amount of fans God has. I'm kind of indifferent on this whole situation though. Can I be a fan of indifference? Yes.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
So what happens late night after Conan finishes (FOREVER as of tonight, but that's another blog post) in the life of a 22 year old? Well I did some regular weirdo "I live alone so I can" stuff like change my clothes in the kitchen and hold an impromptu yoga session in my living room. Now I'm online at a time where EVERYONE used to be online, but right now I only have one person on my buddy list, the same BFF who used to live 5 doors down on the 7th floor (that's another blog post on an entirely different blog). OH WAIT HE JUST SIGNED OFF.
AM I OLD? Brb planning my funeral. Or obsessing over how I am not married yet while acknowledging the fact that I don't want to be married yet. I think that's the next stage of life anyway.
Friday, February 20, 2009
K: I LOOK LIKE SHIT AND I KNOW IT
K: LET ME EXPLAIN HOW I "LOOK"
K: I WAS INSPIRED TO DRESS LIKE JEWELRY DESIGNER PHILIP CRANGI (WHO I WANT TO BE), SO I COMBINED THESE IMAGES:
K: BUT INSTEAD OF LOOKING LIKE THAT, I LOOK LIKE THIS:
393_bio_homepage_main.jpg AND THIS SALLY_JESSE_RAPHAEL1.jpg
K: MY HAIR IS RATTY AND IM WEARING AN UGLY BELT
K: O DEER
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
"What financial crisis?" indeed! Boy, when it hits, it hits hard. I walked all the way up ONE FLIGHT of stairs to swipe some and scurried back down before anyone noticed I actually went to another floor to get some soda instead of just having some Flavia time. When I got back, I had an email to join the company Weight Watchers meetings. Are you trying to tell me something, Employer? Now I know those stairs will do me good but its DIET COKE.
PS - Is it just me or has this blog been really girl wearing a skirt as a top lately?
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
WHILE YOU WERE WATCHING THAT VIDEO OF JOAQUIN PHOENIX ON LETTERMAN, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN WATCHING THIS
Thursday, February 12, 2009
IF I HEAR "MICHELLE OBAMA" AND "JACKIE O" IN THE SAME SENTENCE AGAIN, I WILL KILL A J.CREW SALES ASSOCIATE
This March's Vogue cover features the ever fly Michelle Obama, making her the second First Lady to play cover girl for the magazine (here's looking at you, Hillary Clinton). With her best "aw, shucks: lil' ole me?" pose, Michelle sits gracefully in a magenta Jason Wu dress ready to conquer the world--one J.Crew at a time.
The article discusses many things about Michelle, like her being Super Mom and a comedienne of sorts ("the South Side of Chicago is our Kennebunkport"). But--most important to me--the distinction is made between her and Jackie O: their style of dress differs because for Michelle "Pragmatism, not glamour, is what matters when she gets dressed."
Let's not play: Michelle is the best First Lady we've had since Jackie O in terms of style (well, Nancy Regan was fabulous, too). But this is only because all other First Ladies have been stylistically retarded and didn't give a damn about their appearance.
In any event, I will respect Michelle for her being a great First Lady--but not for being a fashionista. And, remember, America: J.Crew is still a God (and God is not Michelle Obama).
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
"The money that is spent on Valentine's Day would be better spent encouraging
young people to marry."
Really, Sudan? I thought you were on my side! Marriage is the last thing I want to think about when Valentine's Day rolls around. There are already plenty of people encouraging me to marry over here in America. I'm looking at you, Grandma. And producers of Who's Wedding is It Anyway, Bridezilla, My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding, Say Yes to the Dress, etc etc etc. You paralyze me in bed on Sunday afternoons. I can only get up to get ice cream.
And then, Sudan, after that dagger to my icy heart, I learned that you FORCED SOMEONE TO MARRY A GOAT BECAUSE THEY HAD SEX WITH IT. Not even you really want me to get married, Sudan! How could you! You tease me! This was just a pity dance at sophomore year homecoming! I kept reading again anyway because I am self-hating. Like that Lit song.
"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up."
Oh wait. I see what you are doing there Sudan! You are trying to get me to laugh so I can begin to open up and accept love into my heart! A thousand thank yous!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
While watching the Westminster Dog Show this evening, I incurred some pretty bizarre Valentine's commercials. Many advertisers did their damnedest to win over the most brain dead of men to buy the stupidest and most disgustingly unsexiest of shit for their wife.