IF I HEAR "MICHELLE OBAMA" AND "JACKIE O" IN THE SAME SENTENCE AGAIN, I WILL KILL A J.CREW SALES ASSOCIATE

This March's Vogue cover features the ever fly Michelle Obama, making her the second First Lady to play cover girl for the magazine (here's looking at you, Hillary Clinton). With her best "aw, shucks: lil' ole me?" pose, Michelle sits gracefully in a magenta Jason Wu dress ready to conquer the world--one J.Crew at a time.

The article discusses many things about Michelle, like her being Super Mom and a comedienne of sorts ("the South Side of Chicago is our Kennebunkport"). But--most important to me--the distinction is made between her and Jackie O: their style of dress differs because for Michelle "Pragmatism, not glamour, is what matters when she gets dressed."

And, yes, unstylish people of America, I agree: she is not a "stylish" or "glamourous" dresser. The accusations that Michelle is the new Jackie O are ludicrous and emphasizes that Americans do not know shit about fashion (which they don't). 

For starters: Michelle barely wears designer clothes while Jackie wore Chanel in the shower. Also, since when is J.Crew designer? Fancy, beautiful, and W.A.S.P.y--yes; but, designer--HELL NAW. If J.Crew is "designer" or "upscale," then I guess I'm on par with Thom Browne because I own many J.Crew items.

Also, am I the only one who thinks this, but Michelle picks clothes that fit real awkwardly on her. I think she's beautiful and knows how to use colors, but, really? I mean, really? I love some Michelle, but--if she is in a fashion showdown--she'd always lose.

Let's not play: Michelle is the best First Lady we've had since Jackie O in terms of style (well, Nancy Regan was fabulous, too). But this is only because all other First Ladies have been stylistically retarded and didn't give a damn about their appearance.

In any event, I will respect Michelle for her being a great First Lady--but not for being a fashionista. And, remember, America: J.Crew is still a God (and God is not Michelle Obama).